that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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