I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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