Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
