yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
