mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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