new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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