Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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