Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will be naked everywhere
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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