come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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