probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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