at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
