I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
