so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize