btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
