i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
