Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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