just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then my night got REAL pukey
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
