Betty ford says i'm here all night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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