Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
