Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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