Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
