"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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