Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
