shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
