names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
