If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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