I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your penis caused this!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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