forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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