This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
