you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
