This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
