i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
