You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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