I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
