My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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