that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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