My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
