Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize