At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize