i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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