I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize