this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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