I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
