Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
