so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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