why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
