I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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