the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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