The maid of honor just puked.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
