you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
