Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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