Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
