that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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