remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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