Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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