I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
