I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
