Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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