The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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