I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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