and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
