I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
