Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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