the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize