So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize