this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
