my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
