My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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