He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
