I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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