Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think people are normalizing furries
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
