Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
