I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
