I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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