So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize