Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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