If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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