my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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