i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize