I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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