I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
