More tranny stories later!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
