More tranny stories later!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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