just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
