Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
