And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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