So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
