Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize