..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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