How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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