That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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