she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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