Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
