I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
