i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
