found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
