Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
