how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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