talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is the high leading the old right now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have tasted many bathrooms
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
