...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
